Denis Ahern's Poem Page
	Denis Ahern has been associated with the Sail Loft since its first year. Live renditions of his poems are a well received feature of Sail Loft evenings. Usually the subjects covered are bawdy and raucous in nature. This website feature provides a platform for some of his more sensitive works – Stop laughing, you at the back! For this eigth edition he offers one that has a slightly humorous tone, as one expects from the might Denis. In fact, I'd say that the subject of this one is hard to see! To return to Denis's main poems page click below: Click here to go back
Camouflage Trousers My best ever camouflage trousers I bought on the Tottenham Court Road And got curious looks when I wore them As home to Camden I strode. Admiration I thought was the reason For each ogling eye and dropped jaw, Whereas a man not there from the waist down Was what the onlookers saw. For such was the camouflage quality, Had I bought a jacket of that line They'd have seen just a head levitating And Doc Martens below keeping time. Then I thought on the hazards of camouflage, Of an adventurer trapped down a ravine And the helicopter hovering above him Reporting, "Nothing to be seen!" And imagine a survivalist convention The hall crammed with a camouflage-clad tribe And the speaker gazing out from the rostrum Wondering when will his audience arrive. Did Rumsfeld and Bush not consider When looking for WMD That large enough camouflage trousers Could make anything impossible to see? And that elusive evil mastermind Leering in his loathsome lair-? I don't mean Bush-I mean Bin Laden- And I bet I know what he'll wear. My drinking mate Short-arm Seamus, Always slow to stand his round, Must surely have a camouflage wallet That's not very easily found. What if with time the pattern starts fading And the camouflage quality's no longer the best? Will we again see Shergar and Lord Lucan And the crew of the Marie Celeste? But what became of those trousers Whose concealment this tale will evince? I laid them that night by my bedside And I've never laid eyes on them since. Denis Ahern.

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